Pampering myself ~May 31st, 2009

Tonight, hubbins and I watched a movie (sappy romance), and ate chinese food (okay, I'm SURE that place was a drug front!!), and then came up to bed, and I thought,

"I have all these face masks sitting around, and I've only ever done a couple... I think it's time to pamper myself, and to give myself a facial."

So I chose the sensible one: Chocolate!

It's making my eyes water, though, so I think it's time to take it off...

Have a good night, all!

And, if you have any, send me some chocolate! I have this sudden, unexplained craving!


The reports of my death...

are greatly exaggerated! I made it back safely!!

And actually, I did better than I thought I would. I drove busier roads than I have before. I made 3-point turns, and u-turns. I navigated a traffic circle. I went not TOO far under the speed limit!

And at the end, my driving instructor said that I've got the brains, I've got the judgment, and I've got the maneuvers down - all I need is more confidence! She said we might spend a few classes just driving, instead of working on maneuvers, because she thinks I'm doing really well.

And then she told me, "I told you so!"



... freaks me out. I don't want to drive.

I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't WANNA!!!

So, my first actual, in-car driving lesson is today at 11am.

I really don't like driving, and we'll be doing different driving than I've been doing lately... The thought of driving out to the Mayo road is making me very, very pukey feeling.

I'm going with the lady who's been teaching the theory classes, though, and she's a really great lady, so I'm glad for that... They're doing two cars, and she specifically made sure I signed up to drive with her. I'm having a hard time driving with DH... He COULD be a good teacher, but he gets really tense, not being in control, and that makes me really nervous. And then we both end up angry... I think the last time we went driving together, we ended up saying some 'not-so-nice' things to each other.

I was excited to learn to drive when I was 16... And I think the first time I got into the car, that all disappeared, and turned to horrible, raging dread. That horrible, raging dread still hasn't gone away, 9 years later...

But I'm going to learn, no matter HOW I feel! If we still lived in Vancouver, I'd just take the bus everywhere, but transit here is pretty crap...

Anywho, if you don't hear from me again, I've probably gone over a cliff in a blaze of glory...

That was supposed to be a joke, folks!

Yesterday's Compassionate Eating ~ May 30, 2009

Alright, so yesterday, I'd agreed to let myself not care about what I was eating, to take that off my plate. I would track it all, but I wouldn't be worrying about saying on plan...

So, I ended the day with 8 flex-points left for the weekend! :D

Apparently, subconsciously, my brain stops me from eating TOO much! I wasn't going to worry about my points while I was skagway, either, and I still had loads of weekly points left at the end!


Compassionate Eating ~May 29, 2009

One thing that I know needs to be a part of every diet plan is compassion for yourself, and so today, I have decided that I'm not going to worry about being OP tonight.

This will be only the 2nd day in nearly 21 weeks that I have given myself license to take this off my plate. I will track everything I put in my mouth; I'm not letting that go!

I am just too sad, and too tired, and in too much pain, and I need to take something off my plate.

I'm looking forward to my pedicure tonight... This will be the first one ever for me!! I feel sorry for the pedicurist, because I have not nice feet. I'm calloused, and cracked, and dry... We're getting full, 1 1/2 hr pedicures, my mom and I, and I'm also getting my eyebrows waxed, because they need it. Lord, do they need it!

I've sent an e-mail off to one of my therapists, because I think I could stand a session or two of therapy to help me with this, because I'm feeling... lost. I don't even really want to write my way through it...

I'm kind of amazed with how much I've been blogging the last few months! I was never a journaller; I loved the idea, and I bought loads of little notebooks that then got filled with doodles. But the blogging has been really cathartic, and I think that having people actually COMMENT, actually READ what I'm writing, while not only an amazing miracle (hee hee), also makes me want to keep writing.

I'm generally a pretty open book, but what's the point in having a book sit open with noone to read it?

Fine... Other than collecting dust! :p



This whole dog thing hurts my heart so much that I feel like I'm rather forgetting how to breathe...

I'm so glad he's going to have a really good home, with people who will really love and take care of him, but...


Well, this will be hard for a while, I think.

Oof ~May 28, 2009

It's a good thing I'm medicated...

Just sayin'.

Speaking of mental health ~May 28. 2009

Today, I'm getting to put my new-found coping skills and problem recognition skills to the test...

Last night, I fell into bed, so tired that I forgot to take my brain-glasses, and I can REALLY feel it today. I'm not getting those 'brain zaps' or anything that people talk about, but it really is like I forgot to put on glasses! My brain is seeing things differently today, and everything is a bit out of focus.

I think it doesn't help that I'm entirely exhausted... The sunshine here at night, it's really great on the weekends, but on weeknights, when you really need to be sleeping, it's a bit of a pain. Add to that, I took my Celexa first thing this morning, which is going to make me even MORE tired.

But I'm feeling really anxious, and a little paranoid today. And my cramps are REALLY getting me down...

So it's time to pull out some coping skills:

Deep Breathing. I'm getting good at this, because we practice it in Yoga.
Taking a quick walk.
Popping downstairs to see Tami, who ALWAYS cheers me up!
Checking the WW site, or some funny blogs.
Organizing, and getting everything tied up.

That's not my whole list, but those are some that are really good for me at work...

What do you in blogland use, when you need to cope with stress and anxiety, without eating your way through it?


*quick addendum*

You might, or might not notice, that I've changed my blog name, and have added a descripton... I started this blog to talk about reviewing recipes, and trying new foods, and it's ended up being more of a pouring out of my life on page. So here's the "Shrinking in the North"! Long may it drone on and on!

Weight Loss + Mental Health ~ May 26, 2009

It seems like today, my brain is stuck on one thing...

Why am I more successful this time around? What is the one thing I see consistantly in the WW message boards that I think needs to be better addressed?

I see a HUGE need out there for more of a focus on mental health, when addressing weight loss. A huge, crying out for help, "Why can't I get through this?!" need...

Most of us know what we should be eating, right? We've seen the food pyramid, we know that if we eat loads of fatty foods, and skip the veggies, we'll probably end up fat and unhealthy, right? We see the signs saying "5-10 servings of fruits and vegetables per day". We know that Milk does a body good. McDonalds in = Belly out.

So why are we eating like this? Why are we killing ourselves with what we're putting in our mouths?!

I think that a lot of us are feeding something other than our stomach, and I think that a lot of us haven't taken the steps necessary to find our way out of that...

As we've seen before in this blog, I am a recovering Binge Eater. I fight with depression, and anxiety, and low self-esteem, and difficulty finding self worth. I ate my way through loaves of bread, boxes of pasta, packages of frozen waffles, cartons of ice cream, bags of cookies, bags of chips, cheese, massive omelettes, chocolate bars by the hundred, litres and litres of pop, cake, burgers, fries, and pretty much any other comfort food I could get my hands on. I would eat until I felt like throwing up. I would eat until I hated myself just that little bit more.

When it came time to diet, how was I supposed to cope without my food there?! I managed for a few weeks, and then I couldn't sustain it. I was SUFFERING! I was TORTURING myself! I might as well have been throwing myself down the stairs every day; it couldn't have hurt any more! I was falling apart, because I couldn't deal with ANYthing that came my way!

So now, I'm 20 weeks in to WW... 2 1/2 times my longest previous attempt. I've lost more than 70 lbs so far (results not typical, lol). And I'm not suffering, and I'm not struggling, and I feel better about myself, and my life, and my body, than I ever have before. I don't feel like I need to stop. I'm not feeling that HUNGER anymore...


Well, this is after more than a year of therapy... This is after I spent a lot of hours figuring out how to cope with life. This is after I finally realized that, no matter whether or not I lose the weight, it doesn't diminish my beauty and worth as a person!! I saw both a regular, cognitive behavioral therapist, as well as a therapist who specialized in eating disorders. I also see a psychiatrist, because one of the elements that we discovered I needed was what I think of as glasses for the brain, anti-depressents.

I'm not saying that therapy and pills fix everything. There is SO much hard work that needs to be done, personally, to make anything successful... I've worked my BUTT off, both before starting WW, and now that I'm on plan.

But I think that mental health needs to be brought to the FOREFRONT of the weight loss scene! How can you cope with losing weight, if you can't learn to like yourself? Unfortunately, losing weight doesn't necessarily mean you'll love yourself any more...

I'm always interested to hear what all of you in Blog Land have to say... You can feel free to tell me that I'm totally off-base... But these are my personal experiences, and I've seen a lot of people struggling, for whom my heart is broken... This, to me, is a hugely important issue, and I want to get the word out there, if only in my small way...


Down another decade :D ~ May 25, 2009

So, I lost another 5.2 lbs, bringing my total weight loss to 71.7 lbs so far! I'm also now lost another decade, as I'm 379.3 lbs! That means I've lost the 450's, 440's, 430's, 420's, 410's, 400's, 390's, and now the 380's!!!

I also earned 38 Activity Points last week! I can't believe that I earned so many!! Twas a good week, verily!

On the downside of the week, Chris has decided that he really doesn't want a dog... I'm okay with it, because I'd rather have a happy husband than a dog... Also, honestly, having a dog THAT big really is more than I can keep up with, at this weight... Chris is worried that I'm going to resent him, because I really like the dog, but I'm pretty much at peace with it. It feels good to be emotionally steady...


Skagway day trip ~ May 23rd, 2009

Today, my parents and Chris and I went to Skagway, AK, for the day. For most Whitehorsians, Skagway is a favorite day trip... It's about 2 hours away, and it's a beautiful, beautiful drive, through mountains, along lakes... And then you end up by an inlet off the ocean, where you get to smell the wonderful salt air!

We picked a really gorgeous day for a trip out there... We had sun the entire day! The forecast had said that today would be overcast, but while there were a few clouds, it was lovely and sunny most of the day! I even got a bit more sunburn, which is itching like mad. I don't tan, folks... I just go from white to pink without a stop at tan city. It's entirely possible that it's because I used to pretend I was a vampire (not the sparkly ones) and avoided sunlight like the plague.

So, on my list of things to do while in Skagway:

-Visit the Rushin' Tailor, which is a quilt fabric shop. I never buy anything, except maybe the odd ceramic button... But it's open year round, so on some of the late/early trips, it's one of the few places to visit. This is tradition.

-Get a Smoothie at Glacial Smoothies. Another year-rounder... We never seem to plan to go there, but it's right beside the Rushin' Tailor, and they made really tasty fruit smoothies. Today's concoction? Strawberry, Banana, Orange juice... Really lovely and smooth.

-Visit the Skagway Hardware Store. Again, we never intend to go, but all of us, girls and guys, are drawn into hardware stores...

-In the summer, walk around and look at all the jewellery stores. I don't know if any of you have been to Skagway in Cruise-ship season (Skagway is pretty much just there for the cruise ships now, lol!), but about 4/5ths of the stores in Skagway are jewellery stores, all advertising cheap "northern lights" earrings, cruise passenger specials, etc. They all have hundreds of thousands worth of jewellery in their windows, and so we walk by and talk about what we like, what we don't like. I've decided I'm going to have to make some "pavé" beaded bracelets with crystals. I really like that look now...

Usually, we'll also stop at the Book Store (Called the News Depot, I believe), and go into a few touristy shops. The first store we went into, the guy there complimented my necklace, which is just a turquoise (reconstitued) donut on a silver chain, which I wire-wrapped and threw together this morning before we left, so I thought that was funny...

For supper, we went to the Stowaway Cafe, which is a seasonal restaurant. I really, really recommend going there if you're in Skagway in the spring or summer. We went there last year for the first time, treated by Chris's uncle, and we discovered how great it is!

I had the wasabi salmon, which is actually pretty mild... It's a nice, large piece of salmon, in a teriyaki glaze, with a wasabi/panko "crust" on top, served with a side of rice, and some sauteed veggies. The salmon is tasty, if maybe just a wee bit on the salty side, and the wasabi crust is quite mild and lovely. The veggies are always perfectly hot but crisp, and rice is a nice side. Add to that a nice location by the inlet, and it's a nice scene.

I think the best part of the day was driving around and checking out all the gardens! They're not spectacular gardens by any means, but when you're from somewhere that is only BEGINNING to become green, seeing all that grass, and the large number of puffy, pink double-flowering almonds.... It lifts the soul!

We also saw 4 bears!! On the way down, we saw a baby black bear, ambling on the side of the road, then on the way back, we saw a grizzly family! A mama and 2 cubs! They didn't seem at ALL disturbed that we stopped at the mama and I took a couple of pictures with my cell phone!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find something for this sunburn, before I scratch myself to bits....


Quality of Life = Win! ~May 20, 2009

The only reason I know what day of the month it is, is because it's a work day. Weekends, especially long ones, I lose all sense of linear time!

At lunch today, Hubbins and I went and sat in the car, over by the SS Klondike. For those of you not in Whitehorse, it's an old paddlewheeler that's been set up for tours, and the boat and parking lot are just up from the river, making for a relaxing setting to sit. We were munching our sandwiches and apples, relaxing in the sun, listening to soothing music (Amber, by 311. Island in the sun, Weezer), and I looked over and saw, in a car nearby, a young couple sitting and eating fast food...

Now, I have no problem with fast food. I think that sometimes, it serves a useful purpose. And obviously, I didn't get to 451 lbs by eating carrot sticks!

(Side note: Can you imagine how orange I'd be if I'd eaten enough carrot calories to get me to 451 lbs?! I'd be a friggin oompa loompa!!!)

But seeing this couple brought back memories for me of a time, NOT long ago, of a time when Chris and I ate almost exclusively fast food. We'd eat Tim Horton's for breakfast, McDonalds for lunch, and then fast food, or maybe pizza or chinese food, or, on rare occasions, high-fat homemade suppers. There's nothing quite like a diet like that to put you on the right track, eh?

And as we got deeper into that, it became harder and harder for me to break out of it. I didn't make the TIME to cook, or prepare food for meals. I didn't have the ENERGY. And frankly, I was getting too fat to stand for extended periods of time, because everything hurt, all the time.

I think that one really important step that Chris and I took before we started weight watchers was, in order to cut our food costs (OUT of control!! We were eating like a family of 6!) we'd start eating breakfast in, and packing lunches for work... We were still eating plenty of fast food for suppers, but not to the extent that we had been. I think I may have actually lost some weight in this period, because my body did change a bit, but I didn't weigh myself. However, I feel like that really set us up in the right direction for Weight Watchers, seeing fast food as a luxury and not as an every-day meal, as well as learning to make the time for cooking and food prep, and meal planning.

My quality of life is DRAMATICALLY better now, even than it was when I was first (and second) this weight. I want to get out and live, now!! I don't sit at home, day after day, and mope!

-I walk. I don't waddle.
-I can power-walk, and even do a little jogging!
-I swim.
-I do yoga.
-I can do some light hiking.
-I enjoy laying in the sun.
-Camping? Sounds good!
-Tank-tops? Bring-em-on!
-Capris are my friends!
-Exclamation marks a'plenty!!!
-Chuggin' da water, not da cola!
-Broccoli is NOT a dirty word.
-I respect myself.
-I love myself.
-"Marital Relations" are much improved.
-Ice cream is not a necessary part of daily survival.

-I inspire ME!


Interesting Development ~May 18th? Whatever...

There is currently a dog in our backyard. Why, you ask?

Because I'm a softie, a total total softie.

As I said in my last blog post, we went to go and visit my parents at Fox Lake Campground, and while we were there, we noticed there was a really friendly dog running around. We assumed he belonged to someone, as he was always WITH people, but then I heard the story:

He had been ABANDONED there!!!

Apparently, on friday, some guy had come up in a truck, booted the dog out, and just LEFT!

Of course, I went around to all the campsites, making sure that was in fact the case... One of the last campsites had actually SEEN this happen, really just confirming the fact that this guy was, for realz, a sweet, gigantic, abandoned dog.

So now, we have a quiet, well-behaved, Shepherd/Rottie X in our backyard. We took him down to the shelter to have him scanned for a microchip (none) and to give him a bath! He was a dirty, dirty boy, probably from sleeping in the woods!

We're not sure whether or not we'll keep him... If not, we'll surrender to him our local shelter (which has a no-kill policy) and probably go visit him.

I hope that someone out there is missing him.

But if you see me mention Jack, I haven't taken a lover; I've simply taken in a stray.


Fishing = Not Evil ~May the somethingth

Good evening, Blog-O-Sphere! I'm back, and I smell like campfire!

Or, at least, wet smoky wood... Heh!

Last night and this morning were such a great time! My parents own a motorhome, so when the weather starts getting good, out they go! Lucky for Hubbins and me, the sofa in the motorhome futons out to become a bed just a bit smaller than a double, which means they have room for a lovely pair of guests... :D

This weekend, they're out at Fox Lake Campground, which is about 45 minutes from town, on (surprise surprise) Fox Lake. Hubbins and I decided to join them last night, so we set out after work, towing along Chris's newly purchased fishing setup!

Ooh, and I took one of my older (larger) pairs of jeans, that I put through the dryer (deliberately) and turned them into cut-off capris! They're very cute, and I really enjoyed wearing them, until I discovered that last night ended up rainy and chilly...

All the wood at that darn campground was wet through! Poor Chris tried his hardest to get a campfire going, both last night and this morning, but after hours of effort, smoking coals was about all we could come up with. I think we managed to toast about 8 marshmallows between the 4 of us, and at the very end, when I was trying to roast just a COUPLE more, I ended up with, well, slightly lukewarm marshmallows.

Other than the fire situation, it was a lot of fun! This morning, Chris and I took his fishing rod, and lures and such, down to the shore, to cast on the non-iced part of the lake. Neither of us has really done a lot of fishing (little to none, actually), so it was a fun learning experience. Neither of us caught anything, but I think the water really was too shallow for that anyway. We didn't do a bad job of the casting and the reeling in, and we did manage to clean the lakebed of quite a bit of organic matter!

There's even a picture of me floating on my phone of me catching QUITE the stick! I don't know that I'll be uploading it, because frankly, I looked TERRIBLE (fuzzy, unbrushed hair, mainly), but you never know. I might be convinced!

Suffice to say, we'll be heading to the fishing shop on Monday to buy me my own rod.

I am (pardon the pun) hooked.



Quote from a coworker ~May 14, 2009

Doctor: Do you have PMS?

Jenny: Is that where you take a shovel, bash your husband's head in, use that same shovel to bury him, and then go in and bake cookies?


Domestic Bliss ~May 13, 2009

Today was one of those days where it was just SO good to come home...

It seems like I spent most of the day either angry or headachy, or both! I started the day with a headache that seemed to remain untouched by painkillers, which is always a good way to begin the work day. Follow that with a VERY unpleasant incident at work with a coworker, and I just really wanted to get out of there.

Tonight's menu was supposed to be Pizza, and hubbins wanted to make homemade dough with the breadmaker we've borrowed from my parents. When he discovered that the pizza wouldn't actually be ready until 10pm, we needed to make other plans. (Good thing, too, as he discovered he'd forgotten to add the yeast to the dough! Mmm, pizza crackers!)

So, while hubbins looked up fishing online, I made supper, and it was just a really great, domestic-feeling time for me...

Firstly, I was wearing slippers! Can anyone NOT feel cozy and domestic while wearing slippers? I suppose if they were those high-heeled, maribou covered 'slippers'... But I digress. There is something about wearing slippers that is innately comforting.

And then, I was standing at the kitchen counter, taking the ends off asparagus, while the bread machine whirred to one side of me, the salmon marinated to the other side of me, and on the stove, the rice simmered nicely, and I thought, "This, I can do." I felt so warm inside, cooking a nice meal for my husband and myself.

I think maybe it was something about the peacefulness of the kitchen, and the quiet of the house since we got rid of cable. I felt emotionally full, in a really good way, knowing that I was providing something good and satisfying, something that would make us both healthier.

It is a wonderful feeling to know that what you're offering is enough.

Naptime! - May 13, 2009

I never used to be a napper... Rapper, maybe, but not a napper.

No, not a rapper either.......

Anywho, as I was saying, I never used to nap. I could go for 48 hours with no sleep, if the situation called for it. And sometimes even if it didn't! I was just fine with 4-5 hours of sleep per night! 3am was my favorite time of day!

And now, I'm getting old... Sometimes, I need a quick nap to kickstart me, even IF I've gotten 8 hours of sleep!

But it just seems like there's nothing quite as nice as laying the seat back in the car, and having a 20-30 minute nap in the sun at lunchtime!


Well, that certainly puts a damper on things... - May 12, 2009

Snow?! Really?!

You know, this is a really lovely, early autumn day!

If only it weren't MAY!


Weigh-In, May 11, 2009

Well, I'm down another 3.5 lbs this week, after eating a quarter of a cheesecake yesterday... Granted, it was friendlier cheesecake (see post below), but still...

I paid for it though! I had heartburn all evening!

I'm going walking tonight with the Mom of a coworker! It's the strangest thing, but being happy and healthier really seems to be bringing more people around me! I'm looking forward to the walk, although lately I've preferred walking outside... I think that it's the whole idea that I have to GET someplace, and if I walk a 1/2 hour OUT, I need to walk the 1/2 hour back too... On the track, though, I can sit down, take a breather, stop when I feel like... I dunno...


Cooking is such a pleasurable experience... - May 10, 2009

And not just because of the eating portion!

Today was Mother's Day, as most of you know, and so one of the things I did as a gift for my mother was, after my brother and I took my parents for supper, I invited them back to my place, and served everyone cheesecake.

And of course, I wasn't going to serve my Mom just ANY old cheesecake... I made one of my favorite cheesecakes, from the Kraft Canada Website...

Orange-Honey Cheesecake!

I subbed light cream cheese for the regular cream cheese, but otherwise, I pretty much followed it to the letter. It's a really beautiful cheesecake, soft and rich, not too sweet, with a wonderful flavor from the honey and the orange.

I love ALL parts of making a cheesecake...

I love pouring the melted butter into the graham cracker crumbs, and then pressing the crust into the pan, making sure that the entire bottom is covered.

I love the feeling of the crumbs beneath my fingertips...

I love mixing the cream cheese with the sugar, and watching the consistency change completely... It's amazing that the addition of one ingredient changes the stiff cream cheese to a lazy goo...

I love adding the eggs, one at a time. I always add the egg un-beaten, so that I can watch the yolk slide around with the motion of the beaters, and then break, creating sunshine orange swirls that get finer and finer as the incorporate...

I love pouring the batter into the pan, the thick creamy mass sliding onto the crust... Scraping the bowl to get NEARLY every bit of batter into the pan... Shaking the pan to make sure that it's even...

I love the smell of the baking cheesecake, sweet, a little citrus...

The eating of cheesecake is a dreamily delicious experience, but I adore the CREATION of the food as much as I enjoy the demolition of the food!


Oh, And...

Hi there!

Is it really so amazing...? - May 7, 2009

Last night, I went for a walk... And not just a stroll.

65 minutes of pulse-racing, sweat inducing, POWER walking.

But... Is that really so amazing? I mean, granted, if someone normal sized power-walked for more than an hour while carrying a fridge, it'd be pretty note-worthy, but sometimes, people "attaboy"ing me makes me feel, well, a bit like a freak.

On the route I walked yesterday, I went past a coworker's house... As I was walking by (wearing headphones, blasting music) suddenly I hear, "CHANTEL!!"

I turn around to see my coworker on her deck, and she's asking me questions, telling me how great I'm doing, how I'm keeping a really good pace...

If I weighed 200 lbs, would people give me all these pats on the back?

I like encouragement, and acknowledgement, like anyone! But I'm really starting to think that enough is enough... I just kind of want to get on with the business of being a regular person losing weight, and not some kind of office mascot...


Movie happiness - May 6, 2009

Going to the movies is such a great time, isn't it? The popcorn, the darkness, the drunk people in front of you, yelling and cursing...

Not so much if you're a gigantor of a person, who can't quite fit into the seat...

Last year, and the beginning of this year, that was me. As a shelf-hips woman, I go out fairly significantly on the sides, and at my biggest, when I went to see a movie, I had to either slide into the seat from the front, or smoosh myself into the seat, to get my shelves under the armrests.

I was never comfortable... The armrests pressed into my hips, and made sitting there through a movie very uncomfortable!

And then last night, Hubbins and I went to see Wolverine, and I was able to just sit down! No smooshing, no sliding, nothing! I didn't have the armrests cutting into my sides! I was actually COMFORTABLE through the whole movie! It was amazing!

Of course, it was even better once the quite inebriated persons infront of us were escorted from the theatre...


My precioussssssssssss....

What?! I don't have an unnatural attachment to internal mail envelopes!

We have a deep, spiritual relationship based on trust and compassion, that's all!

And that's why you should give all your envelopes to meeeeeeeeee!!!

Weigh-In, May 3, 2009

16 weeks, folks!! 4 months!!

That is double my previous WW length record... And I have now more than doubled what I lost back then too!!

I'm down 2.9 lbs this past week, bringing me to 61.4 lbs down all together!!

It's amazing how MUCH better I feel at this weight, going down. Maybe I felt this way, physically, when I was going up, but I certainly don't remember it like that. Now, I WANT to be active... I LOVE my walks! I can go up stairs and not be completely winded! I can even JOG in short bursts!!!!

It's sometimes fun to think about the the difference in qualitites between foods of the same points value...

1 chocolate glazed timbit = 2 pts
1 multigrain byblos pita = 2 pts

Which one'll make you feel better?

Also, you can do way more interesting things with the pita! Pita pizza! Pita with PB&Nutella, wrapped around a banana! Pita sanwich! Pita chips! Yumm!!

You know, I think I might be happy to have gotten to 451 lbs, because I will REALLY appreciate every pound I lose!!


Obligatory Emo Post - May 1st, 2009

There's nothing like a little message board drama to make you feel like the fat, awkward girl again.

Why, again, does it seem like I can never say the right thing? What social cues am I missing?! I don't feel like I'm saying anything different than anyone else, but it always seems to be taken... differently?

Maybe I'm just not popular enough to speak my mind...

What is it that I'm doing wrong that makes people not like me?! Am I too needy? (Yes, I realize the irony of posting this my blog.)

Hyper?! Moi?! - May 1st, 2009

Happy MayDay everyone! (If you don't know what that means, you can e-mail me at msbiggle@hotmail.com and I'll explain. It's funny, I promise!)

Today, I started the day with a Boston Cream Donut. It was not as tasty as I'd expected, and I was a bit disappointed, but I still ate it! And now, 2 hours later, I'm full of energy, up to my ears!!! This is an extrodinarily rare occurance, me being hyper!

I went downstairs to visit Tam-I-Am, and after she watched me bouncing because of my overabundance of energy, she took me for a walk around the building... I'd hoped it would help, but honestly, I'm still feeling pretty energetic! Sitting at my desk isn't helping, because now my brain is going a mile a minute, and I'm making incoherantly run-on posts on the WW message boards, lol!

I'm planning on going for a walk today at lunch... A coworker and I were going to go together, but she has had something else come up, but if I planned on walking today, darnit, I'm going to walk!!

I feel like I want to say more, but I can't think of what to say... All that's coming out of my brain is a bit of a hummmmmmm... LOL!

Hope everyone else is having beautiful weather like we've been blessed with here!