Totally thrown for a loop...

Everything was progressing lovely today... I was all thrilled for it being Friday, and work was nice and slow, and it was sunny at lunch so we laid out on a blanket in the park, and then it was raining on the way home and it was fun watching and listening to the rain pounding on the windshield and we bought a bunch of veggies for the weekend...

And then we checked the mail on the way home...

And it put me back a year and a half.

And now my brain is a bit off-kilter...

A year and a half ago, my doctor and I put in a referral to capitol health in Edmonton, to look at bariatric surgery for me. I chose Alberta over BC because they funded some lap-band surgeries, and the prospect of going through life (and pregnancy) nutrient deficient because of a roux-en-y bypass was very scary...

And today, I got a letter from them with instructions on the steps that I needed to take... It looks like I was next on the list to go through the processing...

And Holy Crap!

I mean, it's been so long... I hadn't FORGOTTEN, but I certainly wasn't actively remembering this. For the first year, I thought about it really frequently, but as I got back into WW, got emotionally sound, worked on exercise and eating right and living my life, I put the whole 'bariatric surgery' thing to the back of my mind, and didn't really consider it anymore.

Certainly if it were me, today, I wouldn't put in the application. I wouldn't even THINK of it...

But year-and-a-half-ago me did the work, and getting the letter made me think really hard about it.

Should I go through with the group session and the consultation with the surgeon? Should I see what they say?! I'm sure the doctor wouldn't authorize surgery if he thought I didn't need it anymore...

I'm almost more... curious about it than anything else. What's it like, going through this process? What would they say? Would they praise my hard work, and send me on my way? Or would they see something in me that makes them doubt that I could keep going, and recommend that I do the surgery, to help me along?

If I were struggling with WW, if I couldn't portion control, I would go for this.

But I'm not struggling.


My brain is a bit... numb, but going in a million different directions, all at the same time. I know that makes no sense...

I needed to blog this thing out... I'm so... blown away! Knock-me-down-with-a-feather and all that!

I have an appointment with my family doctor on Monday, and while it has nothing to do with this, I figure I can ask him what he thinks. It's not the same doctor that put through the referral, because that one moved back to Ontario, but I really trust and respect this doctor, and his opinions and advice.

Suddenly, something that was an hour ago such a clear choice is muddied, and I don't know why, because I KNOW what I want my decision to me, but I... don't...

Oh Blogland people, I'm so thrown!


Pandrea said...

I think that you're doing really well with WW, and I suspect going through with the surgery would undermine your current confidence level, and allow you to lapse into bad habits. It might be tempting to take the "easy" road, but you're doing very well on the hard road. Also, in the meantime you are learning nutritional discipline that will benefit you for the rest of your life.

In addition, I know from experience that recovering after surgery is unpleasant, and it's not easy to be nutritionally or emotionally healthy when you feel weak, and miserable, and are in pain and/or doped. Plus, of course, there's a chance you could die. Thus, I personally would avoid any major surgery, unless it was necessary to save my life. And maybe not even then.

I think that for you, undergoing surgery would disrupt the patterns that you have working well for you right now, and that such a drastic measure is either not necessary (I believe this is true in your case. I have faith in you) or temporary. Without a strong foundation of work ethic and discipline, any diet will eventually fail. Even a surgical one.

HOWEVER, I'm not a doctor, so I would agree that discussing this with a real doctor would be a great idea. This is just my opinion, from one friend to another.

Vanessa (Last Night's Leftovers) said...

When I earn something the "hard way" I respect and care for it more. It may or may not be the same for you, but it's definitely something to think about!

Best of luck, whatever you decide to do.

chubbs said...

Hi Chantel. :)

Wow, what a decision to be faced with. I absolutely see where you're coming from, on both sides.

I know that it's easy to say "Do the right thing," which is sticking to WW. But is it really easy in practice? Can someone who has tried so hard really take the easy way out?

But is it really the easy way out after all? My uncle had the surgery. Let me tell you, his life was a living hell for quite some time. He did lose well over 200 lbs, but he is not exactly the picture of health.

We all know that the surgery isn't foolproof. Wasn't it Carnie Wilson that ended up gaining back most, if not all of the weight? But yes, it is a quick fix. And I totally get that someone who has struggled as long and hard as you have deserves a quick fix. And truly, you have done amazingly well on your own. I understand wanted to reward yourself for that.

I'm definitely in the camp that wants you to stick to WW. I believe that you can do it. You're an inspiration to many. My main concern would be that you would lose a lot of this great new confidence that you've built up in the past 6 months.

I apologize for the jumbled comment. I have a lot of thoughts on the matter (obviously). I just want to say that I think you're great, and I'll support whatever you decide to do.

So there. You have the support of a completely random person. The decision should be easy peasy now. ;)


Jen said...

I agree with these ladies too...I have been following your blog for a little while now. You are an inspiration to me and to others too I am sure! You are doing amazing on WW and you can go all the way! If it were me, I wouldn't do the the surgery..just keep doing what you are doing and the weight will keep coming off:) Go girl!!

Tamara said...

I'm sorry Chantel! What a tough position to be in. It is such an important life decision that I wouldn't dream of giving you advice if you hadn't asked for it.

I believe in you and I think you can do it with diet and exercise and determination. There are no guarantees that this will lead to a healthy life or healthy pregnancies but I think it means the odds will be in your favour.

I'm not sure if what you are talking about is gastric bypass surgery but I know one gal who had it and she has never recovered physically. She has not been able to work since. It is a bit scary to contemplate having such major surgery when you are not ill.

Good luck with your decision making Chantel. ((((hugs))))!

Tundramunkie said...

I think there is no harm in doing the consult. Maybe 50 lbs from now you'll be really struggling and ready to quit.

I don't know. I'm one for leaving options open and hedging my bets.

I do not think that you need the surgery right now, but what if, for some awful reason, you do a year from now?

At least your place would be reserved.

Anyway, talk to your doctor and keep us updated.

What a tough decision.

Chat with "hubbins" too (haha, love that) and see what he thinks. We get the positive happy naughty version of you. He gets the full picture and if you ask him to be COMPLETELY honest, his insight may prove invaluable.

All the best, lady.

Amber - on a human journey said...

I believe in you so hard that it's crazy. You have inspired me so much, I probably haven't been able to properly articulate just how much actually!

Here's my two cents:

I think you should give it more time before you decide to even contemplate surgery (consults, group sessions, etc etc). My reason isn't so much that its the "hard road" versus the "easy road", but that it's the "healthy and natural road" versus the "not-so-healthy and unnatural" road. It has been my experience that when we follow the pattern of nature (the way it is intended) it tends to be better for us on so many levels.

What you are doing now, although a challenge from time to time, is working soooo well for you. I know that at a certain point weight loss may slow down and perhaps you are a little worried about the plateaus that might come and your response to them, but I honestly believe that you have proven something so monumental to yourself, grown so much in this process, that you will only continue to face whatever comes with even more fortitude and self confidence.

You should be SO PROUD OF YOURSELF that at this stage of the game you can HONESTLY SAY "I don't need surgery to be healthy anymore...because I gathered up all my strength and all my courage and I've saved myself".

You truly have and are reviving, healing, saving yourself right now in a way that is so remarkably beautiful and significant. Continue on, my dear dear friend, continue on.