14.9.09

When healthy is a BAD thing...

Some of you may know that I've been experiencing some ongoing health issues, seemingly with my reproductive organs. So far, I've had about a year and a half of issues, the greatest of which is random, life-disrupting pain, that shows up one day, and is gone the next. Digestive issues have been ruled out, but...

Argh.

Last week, I went in for a CT scan, after having a couple of inconclusive ultrasounds. Let me warn you, the dangers of being very fat? Inconclusive ultrasounds... There was one minor concern that showed up, but doesn't seem to be the root of the problem.

So getting back to the CT scan... Other than a fatty liver, I'm fine. All my organs are of normal size... My Uterus and Bladder seem fine...

So basically, I'm left with no answers.

This is the most bewildering thing, to have had a problem for so long, and not have any answers yet...

So today, after my diagnoses, and a referral to an ob/gyn, I left my doctor's office feeling terribly depressed. I mean, I don't want something SERIOUS to be wrong, but I wanted them to find something fixable!

So, to solve my problem, I ate a carrot cake muffin, and a big snickerdoodle cookie.

Yes, that's right, food solved my issues.

Ah, we all know that that's not true, but I tracked it, and confessed it... I thought about hiding it. Somehow, the points don't count if noone else knows, right? But I just couldn't. Firstly, I couldn't lie to my husband, who has been through me through a LOT of lying about food, and I know he will NEVER judge me for what I eat, or how much I eat. Secondly, I just can't lie to myself. I won't magically forget that I ate that, or that I ate what I ate simply from emotional need.

It's tracked. I ended up dipping into my AP today, and I still have until friday before my points roll over, but I'll make it work.

Thanks for reading my vent, folks. Sometimes, you just need to put your frustrations down in words....

4 comments:

Visichy said...

I hope they figure out the issue soon. Sorry you are going through this.

To be honest, I don't think eating a sweet treat after a difficult event is that big of a deal. If it made you feel better (I admit, sweets can make me feel better) and isn't an every day event then that's fine. Don't beat yourself up. :)

Tamara said...

How frustrating! I think you did great with just a muffin and a cookie. Reasonable or not, sometimes a treat helps us to feel better.

Maybe the ob/gyn will have some answers for you. I hope so!

Sephgirl said...

Sorry you aren't getting the answers you need right now. Hopefully the ob/gyn will find out what is causing that pain.

About the slip, you did great. You recognized it, contained it and brought it to the light. The most important part was sharing it.

I too have had problems with sneak-eating and that always leads to a bad place. Good for you for being accountable and moving forward. Takes that power away from the food and puts it squarely back with you.

Hang in there! You are doing great work! :)

shhh said...

Venting has gotten me through tons with no bodily harm. To anyone. :)