28.2.10

*sigh*

Back to reality tomorrow...

Meal planning.

Points counting.

Not NEARLY so much pastry-making.

That reminds me... I need to Points out the homemade marshmallows!

21.2.10

Weird "Anonymous" Comments

Is anyone else getting these strange, bot-sounding "Anonymous" comments?

Or is it just me that attracts those people/bots?

19.2.10

Day 22...

Oh Sweet Jesus...

Chocolate again!

I made it three weeks, which, in Chocolate Time is about a lifetime.

I made it!!

And now, I can have chocolate again.

Happy Friday!!

17.2.10

Blog writing = Kick in the butt

Sometimes, writing my issues in my blog, putting it out there for people to read, is enough to give me a kick in the butt.

I wrote that I knew what I was supposed to be doing, and then I thought: Wait. Why AM I not doing it?!

Even if I go over my points, I can still track. And when I track, I'm WAY less likely to go over my points.

All this to say that, since my previous blog post, I've been tracking again.

(PS. Two more sleeps until I can eat chocolate again! I'm going to make it!!!!)

(PPS. I don't count the rebellious sip of DH's mocha I had, because coffee is vile, and I couldn't taste any chocolate and it was icky.)

15.2.10

Day 18, no chocolate

I just about quit for Valentine's Day... I *REALLY* wanted to make something chocolatey!!

Instead, I made Macarons!! And they were SO good, but no chocolate at all!!

I'm having such a hard time tracking, though... It's really frustrating! I *KNOW* what I should be doing... So why am I not doing it?!

Meh.

12.2.10

Day 15 without chocolate...

That's right! I'm on my LAST WEEK of no chocolate!

I think I might actually do this!

ME, who has, for many years eaten chocolate pretty well every day, and often multiple times a day.

YAY!

Edit: Today I had a sugar cookie... The icing was plain vanilla, but there was chocolate frosting used for lettering. I scraped off the chocolate frosting, and DIDN'T EVEN LICK MY FINGERS!!!

11.2.10

Why am I so comfortable here?

350 lbs. That's an awful lot of weight. If a normal adult gained weight from a healthy weight to 350 lbs, their bodies would be SUFFERING!

So, why do I feel so comfortable here?

For the last couple of months, I've been gaining and losing the same 5-7 lbs. I go up, I go down. I go up a couple, I go down a couple.

It's frustrating, but at the same time, it's kind of comforting. I *KNOW* this weight! I was this weight for a long time - Throughout a lot of my adolescence... I have no idea what it's like to be healthy. To me, this is pretty darn close...

My head knows that I'd feel better lighter. My knee *CERTAINLY* knows that I'd feel better lighter, even if the problem is an injury and not just weight related.

So why am I so comfortable here? Why am I not fighting HARDER?

Honestly, losing the first 100 lbs wasn't as hard as this - This trying to push past the barrier and keep GOING!

It's hard to admit that I'm struggling. It's hard to admit it to my blog people - you amazing, supporting, wonderful people. I've barely even talked about it with Chris, who is my biggest cheerleader and supporter and inspiration and love. I don't even know how much I've admitted to myself until recently.

Maybe I'm waiting for it to *FEEL* right again. That feeling that I had at the very beginning of this go-around - That easy, healthy, doing-something-good feeling. This isn't easy anymore. It isn't even medium.

This is a struggle now. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but it has.

10.2.10

By the way...

So, just a little side note...

I might not have gotten a role in the Musical, but I did get cast in the Choral Group.

Without even needing a call-back!

8.2.10

Baking is a team sport!

My dream is to start a bakery/café... And I think the best way to plan for that (what do you mean, small business classes?! Psh!) is to bake.

A lot.

Would anyone like to come up north, so that I can bake for them? :-D

Scones, homemade marshmallows, macarons, cookies, cakes... Maybe do high tea?

7.2.10

Chocolate-Free challenge - Day 10

I'm nearly half-way through my no-chocolate challenge, and every day, I think about quitting. How sad is that?!

Maybe I picked the wrong time of year for this? Every time I walk into a store, the first thing I see is chocolate. That's not even as a result of my fixating because I miss it so much! Currently, chocolate is EVERYwhere! All in brightly coloured packaging, designed to look as appealing as possible.

The coffee shops and bakeries are pulling out all the chocolate-stops, with cookies, bars, mousses, truffles...

And there I am... Lonely, chocolate-free me.

I could use a big, steaming mug of real, homemade, high-quality hot chocolate right now... Or those adorable little chocolate cookies I made this time last year...

Part of me feels five years old again, stomping my feet and moaning about how UNFAIR it is that I have to do this.

But I'm CHOOSING to do this. It's not a must-do. I could stop any time I choose.

Is this the right choice? Was 3 weeks of no chocolate too ambitious? I'm starting to think that maybe it is. Maybe that's just the cravings talking.

4.2.10

Meh.

Someone is in the doghouse today.

And it's not the cat.

>:(

3.2.10

ZZZzzz.......

So cute, but so LOUD!!

I haven't slept more than about 4 hours a night for the past several nights...

Our kitten... Has entered a new stage of development, let's say. One where she sticks her bum in the air when petted, and yowls all the time.

All the time.

11pm.

1am

1:30am

2:40am

4am

5am

6:30am

We've got an appt with the vet, but it can't come soon enough...

Tonight I will be trying earplugs.

I never knew anything so tiny could be so loud...

I've actually been thinking about getting a hotel room for a night, just to get a full night's sleep. And as my lovely husband appears perfectly capable of sleeping through the night through the yowling, I wouldn't be taking HIM along!

I love my kitten, right?