350 lbs. That's an awful lot of weight. If a normal adult gained weight from a healthy weight to 350 lbs, their bodies would be SUFFERING!
So, why do I feel so comfortable here?
For the last couple of months, I've been gaining and losing the same 5-7 lbs. I go up, I go down. I go up a couple, I go down a couple.
It's frustrating, but at the same time, it's kind of comforting. I *KNOW* this weight! I was this weight for a long time - Throughout a lot of my adolescence... I have no idea what it's like to be healthy. To me, this is pretty darn close...
My head knows that I'd feel better lighter. My knee *CERTAINLY* knows that I'd feel better lighter, even if the problem is an injury and not just weight related.
So why am I so comfortable here? Why am I not fighting HARDER?
Honestly, losing the first 100 lbs wasn't as hard as this - This trying to push past the barrier and keep GOING!
It's hard to admit that I'm struggling. It's hard to admit it to my blog people - you amazing, supporting, wonderful people. I've barely even talked about it with Chris, who is my biggest cheerleader and supporter and inspiration and love. I don't even know how much I've admitted to myself until recently.
Maybe I'm waiting for it to *FEEL* right again. That feeling that I had at the very beginning of this go-around - That easy, healthy, doing-something-good feeling. This isn't easy anymore. It isn't even medium.
This is a struggle now. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but it has.