11.2.10

Why am I so comfortable here?

350 lbs. That's an awful lot of weight. If a normal adult gained weight from a healthy weight to 350 lbs, their bodies would be SUFFERING!

So, why do I feel so comfortable here?

For the last couple of months, I've been gaining and losing the same 5-7 lbs. I go up, I go down. I go up a couple, I go down a couple.

It's frustrating, but at the same time, it's kind of comforting. I *KNOW* this weight! I was this weight for a long time - Throughout a lot of my adolescence... I have no idea what it's like to be healthy. To me, this is pretty darn close...

My head knows that I'd feel better lighter. My knee *CERTAINLY* knows that I'd feel better lighter, even if the problem is an injury and not just weight related.

So why am I so comfortable here? Why am I not fighting HARDER?

Honestly, losing the first 100 lbs wasn't as hard as this - This trying to push past the barrier and keep GOING!

It's hard to admit that I'm struggling. It's hard to admit it to my blog people - you amazing, supporting, wonderful people. I've barely even talked about it with Chris, who is my biggest cheerleader and supporter and inspiration and love. I don't even know how much I've admitted to myself until recently.

Maybe I'm waiting for it to *FEEL* right again. That feeling that I had at the very beginning of this go-around - That easy, healthy, doing-something-good feeling. This isn't easy anymore. It isn't even medium.

This is a struggle now. I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but it has.

6 comments:

Leanne said...

Maybe you needed to admit that you are struggling to be able to move past it.

Either way.. I hope you can find your mojo again.

**strength** to you!

Blossom said...

For me every pound is a struggle. I'm trying to just take it day at a time, trying to have one good day, and then the next. If I look at the whole picture, it scares me sometimes!

Visichy said...

I hear ya. When I lost 80 lbs I couldn't seem to lose any more no matter how hard I tried (although I was still about 50 lbs above my goal weight). So I took it easy and slowly but surely, over the last 3 years, all but the first 10 lbs have crept back on.

I don't know how you push past that comfortable place but I know you have to or the weight will creep back. Hugs :)

Kristi-Bisti said...

I went through the same thing. about 7 years ago, I went on a low carb diet and lost 50 lbs. After a scheduled 2 week increase of carbs and calories, I couldn't bear to go back on. I kept the weight off - until I got pregnant. A few years ago, I had a publicized "last meal" and then the next day didn't even make it through the morning on plan. I've been there. I ended up having surgery. It's my "ultimate accountability".

My best wishes to you. It is so hard. But, be nice to yourself. Be proud of what you have done.

Kathryn said...

I'm having the same problem in the 315-320 range.

Katie said...

I'm in the same boat, as are a few other people I know. We've chalked it up to being the time of year. It's dark, it's cold and it's harder to get motivated. Just keep plugging long and you'll get past it. We all will eventually.