Yesterday, I stood up for myself.

It was hard, but I did it.

I was assertive, and I was strong. I wasn't rude or aggressive, but instead firm.

Standing up for myself is one of the hardest things for me to do. I am so proud of myself right now!


The midnight blues

Do you ever have one of those nights where you are totally EXHAUSTED, but you just don't want to fall asleep?

I don't want Monday to come. I mean, I know it is, infact, already Monday... But if I don't fall asleep, I have HOURS until it really shows up. But if I'm out... It's just the blink of an eye.



Goodbye, 4.9 more lbs! I won't miss you ONE bit!


Happy Friday!

I know, it's not actually Friday. But for ME it is!!

It couldn't come at a more welcome time!

I had another panic attack today. I was terrified, beyond what was reasonable. And it was EXHAUSTING. I'm trying to make an appointment with my psychiatrist to look at some short-term medication aides for my panic attacks. Still not eating my way through this, though!! On-Plan!!

I'm VERY much looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. And to WI.

A&W for lunch today, so that DH and I could sit in the car, in the sunshine. 1/3 of a medium fries, and a Mama burger, hold the mayo. Fantastic!!

I'm looking forward to having my evenings free again, because I'd love to be able to get out and go for a walk. The weather has been for the most part, very nice here! Sunshine. Light, fluffy clouds. Dry and clear. I walked to Tim Hortons today, and I really enjoyed getting out there, putting on my iPod, and walking.

Kame-Sama... It's not a tattoo of a cucumber, silly!! http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=5568902&l=233b31d063&id=685870742


Post #250

For my GDT Lay-deeeeez!!

250 posts?! Really?!


I'd like to thank the academy, my mother, God, my husband, mah Peeps...

I find it kind of amazing that people read this thing. I get some amazing feedback, here, and some wonderful ideas and support.

I've lost some weight (just a little, right?) and gained back a few pounds. I'm working on continuing to lose weight.

I've laughed.

I've cried.

I've gotten a tattoo.

I've whined.

I've exulted.

I've gone on and on about Mental Health Awareness.

And you folks are still here.

Thank you so much!

Onwards and Downwards!!!


It looks like rain.

It's a grey day here, so rare in Whitehorse! It looks like rain, and it feels like rain but, by golly, it just doesn't SMELL like rain! You know, that fresh, moist smell that lets you know that the world is about to get scrubbed clean? I love that smell, and I was so excited to go outside for lunch, and... And... NOTHING?!

My Vancouverite husband agrees that the smell isn't there. He doubts that the rain will show up, although I'm hoping that it's just the wind blowing away the humidity.

I'm feeling on the low end today... Reading Toni and Amber's blogs make me MISS them!!! I'm feeling lonely, and the endometriosis pain is sucking the life out of me. This is the kind of feeling that is HARD to not eat my way through.

Would ice cream make me feel better?

("IS THAT A TRICK QUESTION?!" screams my pain. "OF COURSE IT WOULD!!")

No. Shut up.

What about chips?

("Seriously, here. That's practically medicinal." lectures my cravings.)

No. Shut up.

Ah, well. Making chocolate chip cookies tonight (for a friend, and to bring to work tomorrow - Administrative Professionals' Day!


Mental health is hard work.

Just like physical health, keeping yourself in psychological fitness is challenging for some people... And I am definitely one of those people.

Recently, an incident occured at work which has caused me a great deal of distress. Crying, panic attack... The whole shebang. I ended up needing to go home early on Thursday, and nearly didn't go in on Friday either. Friday morning, I woke up and I knew that if I didn't go in to work, the issue would appear to be my Mental Illness, and in this situation, it really isn't.

But I'm still very affected.

That is why, on Friday, I made an appointment for today with my Psychologist. I knew that this was something that, while I COULD probably deal with it on my own, I would be FAR better off seeing a professional. For a tune-up, I guess.

That got me thinking... I realize, a dangerous exercise!

Why does therapy seem so... Taboo? Why does it still seem like a last resort for so many people? And, (and I know you knew I was getting around to this!) why does it seem like people just don't SEE the connection between Mental Health and Physical Health?

When I get to my goal weight, and have maintained it for a couple of years, I would like to start... I don't know. Advocating for Mental Health in connection to weight loss. Telling people that sometimes the first step to getting physically healthy isn't changing the way you eat, or getting in more exercise, but learning coping skills and self-esteem. The physical changes can only last so long if they're set onto a shifting base.

I know that it's possible that I may sound like a broken record, and I'm okay with that. This is something I believe in strongly, and I will keep saying it.

And now, I'm off for my tune-up.


One other noteworthy thing...

Some of you know what I've been dealing with the last couple of days, and some of you don't, but I have to say...

I stood up for myself today. I didn't allow myself to back down and give up.

I am hugely, hugely proud of myself.

First WI back on track!

Hello, weight loss! I love you!

All 5.6 lbs of you!!

Which is pretty great, as I managed to lose this, despite a very tiring week, and a VERY stressful yesterday.

I only used about 10 of my FP for this week. I just wasn't HUNGRY for more! I know that I'll use more this week, as I'm having people over tonight and eating pizza and cake. But that's allowed!! How great is that, hey?

So I'm back in the 350's, albeit barely... (359.9), but I'll take it!!


Layout Changes...

I may be making a few design changes in the next few days... Please, bear with me!

And I would love to hear your opinions on the new look!


I need to remember this, for the future...

Every time I go off plan, I eat food. Lots of food.

Lots of unhealthy food.

And then I wonder why I feel grotesque, and always hungry.

These last few days, I've been satisfied, and feeling healthy... And what have I been putting in my body?! Good, nourishing, healthy food!

DH's homemade tortillas

With onions and peppers, and steak... It's in there somewhere!


Wait... How'd THIS get there?

Tonight's supper was homemade whole-wheat pasta with tomato-veggie sauce, and a little aged cheddar. SO good, so nourishing!

Honestly, when I'm really eating healthy, my daily points are almost more than enough for me! It's so crazy... Eat 5000 calories a day worth of junk/high-fat food, feel sluggish and gross and always feel hungry. Eat my daily points worth of healthy food, feel good, feel full.


My new favorite snack...

Ahh, the sun is shining, the sky is clear, and I feel fabulous. I keep forgetting how good it feels, physically, to be on plan and eating healthy.

Sure, eating high-fat, high-sodium, high-everything foods TASTES great, but then you just end up feeling like you've got nothing actually powering your body!

I think I've found my new favorite snack... Apples and Natural Peanut Butter!!

I use the PC brand natural peanut butter for this, and it actually drizzles a lot more easily cold than normal peanut butter. PLUS, all it is is peanuts, which I adore!

If anyone here reads my baking blog, http://dotbakes.blogspot.com, check it out later today for Madeleines... I made them in the small molds, and, guess what! 1 cookie = 0 pts! And you can have 4 for only 1.5 pts!

Now that's a diet I can do!


Good News and Bad News...

I'm going to start with the bad news first, because it is SO bad...

365.5 lbs

Yup, that's right. Ouch. 

But, onwards and downwards. 

And for the good news... Last night at the opening of the show, there was a LOT of food in the change rooms. Chocolate, Candy, Chips....

There was an entire TRIFLE dish full of jellybeans and Caramilk eggs and Smarties and chocolate-covered almonds... 

And then afterwards, to celebrate the opening of the show, there was champagne, a REALLY nice cheese tray, sausage, donuts, swiss rolls, mini quiches...

What did I have? (And this is ALL evening)

1 small glass of Champagne
3 Strawberries
2 Baby Carrots
1 Shrimp from a shrimp ring, no sauce

No chocolate, no candy, no nothing. I am SO proud of myself!!


MRI Results...

So, yeah. I'll be taking it easy for a little while. :-)

I've got a torn meniscus, and a mostly ruptured ACL...

I'm actually not feeling down about this, though. It doesn't CHANGE anything for me, although it reinforces that I made the right decision taking out the yoga and belly-dancing as they're very twisty activities...


For Toni... Suppertime!

Roasted Elk, Black Quinoa and Salad

On Track(ing)!

One day at a time...

I tracked everything yesterday! I ended up using two of my weekly points (Had a cooler after the show), but I feel really good about it all! I know I burned some calories doing the musical, but I'm not going to count them. I don't think it's enough 'exercise' to put it into the points counter. Hopefully, it'll make for a pleasant end-of-the-week, though.

I still need to drink more water... I'll be filling up the bottle as soon as I'm done writing this!


Blargh blargh blargh

This is hard, dammit.

I got an e-mail from an old acquaintance today, saying that she had read my blog... And I said that I was struggling, and that was why I hadn't blogged in a while.

Do you guys want to hear about my being human? About the not-so-inspirational stuff? About me having a hard time tracking beyond a couple of days in a row? About the disgust I saw when looking at a recent picture of myself (albeit in a not-very-flattering outfit)?

I want to do WELL at this, for eff's sake! I want to be HEALTHY!

On a side note, I should have the results of my MRI by the end of the week...