One of the things that really made me think about the surgery (from here on out, maybe I'll just say WLS? For Weight Loss Surgery?) was my ceramics class. More specifically, it was trying to throw pottery on the wheel.
Now, in my everyday life, my body is always in the way. It's an anchor and a chain, dragging me down. It kicks and punches and leaves me in constant discomfort, if not pain. It is a very visual reminder to myself and everyone else that I am just not worth as much, that I can't get myself together and I can't accomplish as much. The bigger I am, the harder living gets.
I'm generally able to do what I need to, though, albeit sometimes with modifications.
Trying to throw on a regular wheel, though... I could not do it. My teachers were lovely, and helpful, and did what they could... And were very nice when I started crying.
I couldn't help it. I couldn't physically DO what they kept telling me to do. I couldn't get leverage, or get my arms in the right spot. They were so patient, but I just COULD NOT DO IT. It wasn't a learning curve thing, it was a giant stomach curve thing.
So what did my teacher do? She went and put together a stand for one of the wheels, so I could throw standing up.
And so today, I actually threw a cylinder. It wasn't fantastic, but the sheer fact that it IS, is wonderful.